单身女人讨厌的一件事：别去做它

yiding_he 2007-07-11

（尝试翻译 David DeAngelo 的每周邮件）
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单身女人讨厌的一件事：别去做它

“一个女人不会被骚扰她的男人所吸引。”

我知道这句话是理所当然的正确，但根据我每个礼拜翻阅的信件来看，似乎这句话对某些人来说不那么理所当然。

这句话到底是什么意思呢？

我先告诉你我听到的一些老掉牙的说法：

“在约会时我是个完美的绅士，但她从不给我打电话，我没法接近她……”

“我不想对她使用任何‘技巧’，因为我觉得那样是在‘玩弄’她……”

“我希望有个女孩能够喜欢我的为人……”

“她要什么我都给她，约她出去，给她买东西，但我不懂为什么她对我就是没有像我对她一样的感情……”

“她说只想和我做朋友，然后她就跟别的男人在一起。我对她好得不得了，而他们把她当成垃圾……”

等等等等……

它们出现在不同的场合，各有各的说法，但是它们有个共同点就是：

他的行为不是在吸引她，而是在骚扰她。

不久前我收到一个邮件，那小伙子告诉我他去约了次会，他被对方所吸引，然而约会过程中没有什么“火花”。他似乎觉得既然没发生什么糟糕的事，那么对方也应该会对他有同样的好感（他搞不好以为来场单调无聊的约会能让她看上自己）。

下面一些现象说明你进行的是一场无聊的约会：

1、“稳妥”的行为。跟在她后面，一声不吭，不敢扫她的兴，只做“适当的”事情。

2、扯一些无聊的话。什么工作，家庭，天气，等等，因为“人们就是这么互相了解的。”

3、你根本就是个无聊的人。

“稳妥”的行为

所谓“稳妥”的行为，就是要么说一些大众话题，要么一声不吭，并帮她得到想要的东西。

这简直大错特错。

你这么做是在置她于死地：无聊死。

你和女孩子出去见个面，喝杯茶，吃顿饭，你要做的是和她共度愉快时光，而不是做她的跟屁虫！

只做一些“稳妥”的事情会导致两个结果：继续维持这段昂贵的关系，或者她再也不理你。

扯一些无聊的话

绝对不要谈你的工作和家人！这些东西太无聊了！

有的人想在对方面前证明自己是个“好小伙子”，于是对自己的家庭大谈特谈。

谈论家庭是一种“求爱”行为，这会让对方觉得“这个人真无聊”。除非你是肯尼迪的亲戚，或者比这还有意思，否则就别把你的家谱抖出来了！

无聊的人

无聊的人是个什么样子呢？

他一开始就表现得无所适从，浑身不自在。

紧张的笑容。道歉。对她的看法无一例外的赞成。问她想要什么。他的姿势让人觉得他缺乏自信和安全感。

一阵一阵的沉默，这会让她巴不得马上结束这一切，然后把手机号换掉，省得你再去烦她！

那么该怎么办？怎么做才是吸引她而不是骚扰她？

你可能从没想过这个问题。下面是提供给一些“初学者”的点子：

1、把她带到一些有意思的地方。我喜欢那些拥有时髦店铺和服务场所的繁华地段。不要去那种引不出什么有趣话题的地方。

那些繁华地段总是有很多有趣的新鲜事，从纹身艺人到时髦帽子店，还有超时尚的服装店。大多数城市都有这种地方，我建议你去熟悉一下。

2、说一些有意思的事。我最喜欢做的事情之一是让她谈谈人生，然后从中找些东西开她的玩笑。这是一个 Cocky & Funny 的绝好机会：

我：“嘿，讲点什么有意思的。”
她：“……，比方什么？”
我：“比方什么？你就想不出一点有意思的事？你没做过什么有意思的事情？要真是这样，我看我得走了。”

就这样子……

3、就算两人处在沉默当中，也绝对不要显得尴尬，不要让对方觉得脊椎骨发冷。

如果场面冷了下来，你可以把注意力放在别的东西上。想点有意思的事情，自个儿笑笑。她会问：“你笑什么？”

然后你可以给她 1000 个 Cocky & Funny 式的答案。

如果谈话停了下来，就装酷。表现得像跟一个普通朋友在一起那样自然随意，过会儿再拾起话题。只是不要把自己弄得紧张不自在！

4、不要让她料到你会做什么。换句话说，她越是能料到你会做什么，你这个人就越是无聊。

学着随便说点什么。跟她斗嘴，但别表现得像个嗲声嗲气的小女孩。跟她说，小甜甜丑得像条狗。

如果你这个人确实无聊，那就看一些如何讲故事的书，一些笑话，把自己变成一个有趣的人。

不要让她料到你会做什么，要不择手段的做到这点！然后学着如何让女人被自己吸引。

OK，我想你应该开始入道了。

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原文：
"You can't bore a woman into feeling attracted
to you..."

I realize that this may sound like an obvious
statement, but judging by the emails that I get
week in and week out, maybe it's not as obvious as
it might seem to some guys.

In fact, when I think back on my own
experiences with women, I am DEFINITELY guilty of
trying to bore women into feeling attracted to
me...

So, what do I mean by this silly sounding
statement?

Well, let's start with some ideas that I hear
in one form or another all the time.

"I was a perfect gentleman on our date, but she
didn't call me back, and I can't reach her..."

"I don't want to use any 'techniques' with
women because I feel like that would be
'manipulating' her..."

"I want a girl who will like me for who I
am..."

"I give her everything she wants, take her out,
buy her things, and I don't understand why she
doesn't feel the same way towards me that I feel
towards her..."

"She tells me that she only likes me as a
friend, then she goes out with these guys who
treat her like crap instead of going out with a
guy like me that would treat her wonderfully and
give her everything she wants..."

And the list goes on and on...

Now, I realize that these statements are
actually different from each other, and deal with
different issues. But the common denominator in
each of them is:

YOU'RE NOT BEHAVING IN A WAY THAT IS PUSHING
HER ATTRACTION BUTTONS. IN MOST OF THESE CASES,
YOU'RE GUILTY OF TRYING TO BORE HER INTO FEELING
ATTRACTED TO YOU.

I got one letter recently where a guy was
telling me that he had taken a girl out on a date,
but that there wasn't any "spark"... but he still
felt attracted to the girl. He seemed to think
that just because nothing obvious was BAD about
the date, that this girl should also feel
attracted to him. (Maybe he thought that a few
more uninteresting, boring dates would cause her
to open her eyes and see the light).

Here are a few common problems that lead to
"BORING DATE-ITIS":

1. Playing it "safe". Following her lead, not
saying anything that you think will upset her and
making sure that you're "proper".

2. Talking about BORING things. Like jobs,
family, weather, etc., because it's "what people
talk about to get to know each other."

3. Being boring.

PLAYING IT SAFE

I can remember when I thought that the proper
way to act on a date was to talk about socially
acceptable topics, act sterile and quiet, and
generally try to make sure that she got whatever
she wanted.

Oh, was this a huge mistake.

Generally speaking, women are BORED TO DEATH BY
THIS KIND OF BEHAVIOR.

When you meet a girl for a cup of tea or go out
to dinner, it's time to have FUN, not to be her
personal ass kisser!

Playing it safe and kissing up to her is a sure
way to get either an expensive relationship or a
woman who won't call you back.

TALKING ABOUT BORING THINGS

Don't talk about your job and your family!

BORING!

Guys who are trying to convince women that
they're "nice", talk about their families (If you
really want to be a loser, carry pictures around
with you and show them off).

Talking about families is "courtship" behavior,
and it will put her into the old "this guy is
boring" frame of mind. Unless you're related to
John F. Kennedy or someone even more interesting,
keep the family history to yourself!

As a quick note, I want to mention that you
have to know not only how to not be boring, but
you must also know how to communicate using the
"language of attraction"... which is another topic
completely. You can learn more about this secret
language here before you read on:

http://www.DoubleYourDatingProgram.com/e/13338/SexualCommunication/?cid=VHJZZZ&lid=2&ll=1

BEING BORING

So, what does a "boring" guy act like?

Well, for starters he acts like he's NOT
COMFORTABLE in the situation...

Nervous smiles. Apologizing. Agreeing with her
opinions all the time. Asking her what she'd like
to do. Holding your body in an unsure, insecure
way.

That's a good start.

Mix in a few uncomfortable silences and you've
got the makings for her running as fast as she can
and changing her phone number to save herself from
another one of your boring calls!

So, what's the answer? What's the secret to
making her feel attracted to you and not BORED OUT
OF HER SKULL?

I thought you'd never ask.

Here are a few ideas for starters:

1. Take her somewhere that has a lot going on...
somewhere that has interesting conversation built
in. I like funky areas that have lots of eclectic,
artsy, trendy shops. You can't walk through one of
these areas without having an interesting
conversation.

There are all kinds of interesting things from
tattoo artists to funky hat shops to ultra-trendy
clothing stores. Most cities have an area like
this, and I'd suggest you go check it out.

2. Talk about something that isn't BORING. One of
my favorite things to do is to get her to talk
about her life, then find things to make fun of.
This is a great opportunity for cocky and
funny...

YOU: "So, tell me something interesting."

HER: "Like what?"

YOU: "What, you can't think of even ONE
interesting thing about yourself or your life? I
think I need to go before this gets any worse..."

You get the idea...

3. If there is a silence, NEVER let it be
uncomfortable. I think that it's great to stop
talking when you're first getting to know a woman.
But don't do it in a way that sends chills up her
spine.

If the conversation goes cold for a few
moments, just pay attention to something else for
a minute. Think about something funny to say and
laugh to yourself. She'll say "What? What are you
laughing about?"... which is a great lead in for
about 1,000 different cocky/funny answers.

If the conversation stops, be cool. Just act
like you're with a friend, act totally casual, and
pick it back up later. Just don't ACT nervous and
uncomfortable!

4. DON'T BE PREDICTABLE. There is an area of the
human brain called "Broca's Region" that is
constantly anticipating what is about to happen,
then discounting the predictable. In other words,
the more predicable you are, the faster you will
be considered BORING.

Learn to say random things. Disagree with
her... (without sounding like a whiny little
girl). Tell her that you think Britney Spears
looks like a dog...

If you're boring, read a couple of books on how
to tell stories. Or get a book on comedy to learn
how to be funny and tell jokes.

JUST DO WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO DO TO AVOID BEING
PREDICTABLE! And do whatever you have to do to
learn how to make women feel ATTRACTION.

OK, I think you're getting the idea.